Ana molly
by MysticAutumn
Summary: “Just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I’ve done to you. Can you?” I vaguely heard Edward say, as if it was a distant whisper. “ I can’t.”
1. stupid organ shenanigans

"Just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" I vaguely heard Edward say, as if it was a distant whisper. The depth of the question could not immediately seep through my hazy, groggy conscience as I laid in my bed, soaking my hair and pillow with leaking tears. For once in my life, I did not over analyze, think, and edit as I said; **" I can't."**

I could feel his muscles tighten, as if he had been splashed with freezing water while enjoying a dream. A dream-that suits our relationship pretty well. He could not _really_ love me, and we both knew that. I was his freakish little Quasimodo, a disgusting excuse for a creature. A human. A clumsy, socially awkward, risk taking, plain human. And he was my Esmeralda, my beautiful stone man.

"I…see." He said after swallowing, in an attempt to calm himself. "That. Changes things."

I almost laughed. He quoted me…when he first said he didn't want me. Was this some sick irony? Some sort of price for having the love (no matter how false) of an absolutely flawless, impossible figment of nature? I guess I deserved it.

"Is there…another man, then?" murmured Edward, waking me from my thoughts. I could hear the jealousy searing through the words.

I mused about the idea for a minute, in clear consciousness. My conscience…it wasn't truthful. It was what I used to lie to Charlie. It was what I used to edit my emotions out of my words. To tell Renee everything is fine when my life dangles on the edge. It was what I used to tell Edward I love him. Of course my logic would tell me that I love him. It was only logical to love someone so _perfect_. My heart had not spoken before tonight, and I was going to let it speak again.

"I don't know."

We laid in silence, waiting for the other to say something. He was mentally writhing in guilt, blaming himself for every tiny thing he had ever done to me that I found unfavorable. He was too good to deserve that tendency…to bear every burden. I wanted to share his burden, to lighten it somehow…but he wouldn't let me. He kept me on his back, as a weak little burden he needed to protect, rather than a strong vampire by his side.

Then it dawned on me. I did not deserve to experience such a breathtaking first love. I did not deserve a man who would go to the end of the world for me. It was selfish of me to deny him my love, to allow myself to become a burden. I needed to become part of his life, even if my stupid heart didn't like it.

"Edward?" I chocked out. How could I possibly say what I wanted to say? _Hey. I don't love you anymore. I want to help you, anyway. Make me a scary vampire. _"I know you won't stick around... So I need to ask. Can I…say goodbye to…the family? I didn't appreciate when they all just…disappeared without a word."

It hurt to call the Cullens 'The Family', but it didn't seem appropriate to call them "my" family anymore, even if I felt they were. I missed Alice, Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle terribly. I even missed feeling insecure around the lovely, mean Rosalie. Jasper was always in the shadows around me, keeping a distance. Still, I missed his constant speculation.

" Of course…anything." My ex-Godfriend said as he briskly scooped me up and leaped out of my window. He held me in his arms, like he did when I got sick during the blood tests junior year. It didn't feel like he was sweeping me off my feet anymore. It felt like he was carrying his fallen lover, like a scene in a romance tragedy.

We made it to the hidden house in practically no time. I had forgotten how thrilling it was, riding Edward in the forest. The speed made my nerves tingle in ecstasy. I cracked my lids slightly open to look at his face. It was frozen still, and his eyes were too dark to read. He was probably thinking ferociously about something. I knew I was hurting him by making him reminisce, but that would change. I would _make _his hurting change.

He let me descend and slowly walked to the door with me, avoiding any contact. He was too miserable to figure out my intent. I was going to ask Alice to change me. I guess I was equally miserable, letting my obligation to him sink me into immortality. It seemed so deliciously seductive when I loved him, to become a stunning, bloodsucking temptress. To finally match my first love forever. I felt bad for not feeling that way anymore. My mind was telling me to grab his perfect face and tell him that I love him more than anything in the entire universe…but that stupid organ wouldn't let me. I took a deep breath.

"Are you alright?" He said eagerly. He cared about my wellbeing more than I did.

"I'm fine", I fibbed.

We entered the house, and the entire family stood in the living room, waiting for us to come in. It would appear to someone who didn't know all about vampires, that they were being pretentious with their perfect postures and waiting eyes. It was there nature to be effortlessly inhuman. I understood that. All of them (except for Rosalie and Jasper) smiled genuinely, but I could see something holding their grins back. Jasper gave me his awkward simper, and his eyes calculated me more carefully than usual. Rosalie didn't even try to smile. They all knew something was wrong.

"H-hello...Everyone." I announced timidly. "Edward and I have come to a conclusion. We will not be…together anymore." _Curtains fall. _

Everyone stared, shocked. They probably didn't expect that.

"What about the Volturi? They won't accept a break up. We will all get killed!" Rosalie said, almost shrieking.

"I have given much though to that." Said Edward. "I have decided to make annual visits, keeping track of Bella, making sure there is no Volturi activity in her life. If there happens to be some, I will take her and hide her elsewhere. I don't care how long it takes."

I read their faces; none of them were impressed or happy about the idea, but what else could they do? I decided not to bother begging Alice. Edward would rip her off of me before it was complete. I couldn't just draw blood; Edward would stop me with his insane reflexes. They had all beaten their bloodlust into submission, well…except for Jasper…

I remembered the tiny droplet of blood that sent him into a frenzy. My blood was a fine wine to him, and he was the fiercest of the blood alcoholics. He could bear the scent, as long as the bottle wasn't cracked. What If I pressed the bottle into his arms?

I breathed in, trembling. "This is goodbye, I guess."

Alice was the first to leap into my arms. She was very gentle about it, and if she could shed tears, she would. Her pixie face distorted in a most sorrowful way. She would miss me most, aside from Edward. I wondered if she could see the plan I was formulating for the soon future. If she could, she certainly wasn't acting like it. I was hoping she was mistaking it as wishful thinking. I was hoping hard.

Esme, Carlisle, Emmett. Their embraces were all just steps, leading up to Jasper. I skipped Rosalie, deciding not to put her through the torture. Jasper's straight posture straightened and his eyes widened as I approached him. He was preparing. Could he read my intent, or was I insane? I decided to let my heart lead this, and I forced my mind to become a spectator. I couldn't bear to do this consciously.

Before my arms even wrapped around him, I swayed my hips until they grazed his. If I was thinking about it at the time, my face would have been _bright _red. But hey, I was trying to tempt him, by any means possible. I could feel Edward's eyes bore holes in the back of my head. I let my arms fall around his shoulders and a small sigh escape my lips. Jasper did not lift his arms to wrap around me, and I briefly looked up at his eyes, which were desperately staring in Alice's direction. I let a breath heave my chest; he smelled different in comparison to Edward. It was almost like Alice's sweet fragrance, but I could smell some bitterness in it. It had the effect of hot coffee. I never realized how **good** coffee smelled before.

I let one of my hands massage the back of his neck, and I pressed myself against him even harder. I could hear a stifled gasp from Alice. I felt terrible, but it didn't matter. If things worked out properly, I would have an eternity to apologize. I felt Jasper tremble and could almost _taste _the venom that I had imagined was filling his mouth, like saliva in a dogs mouth when presented a bone.

"Let go of her." Edward growled.

He was in my grasp now. "Jasper?" I questioned, looking at him.

He looked down, his eyes blacker than night. I mouthed; "Please?". He tried to shake his head, but, by mistake, took in a whiff of my scent. Before I could tempt him more, his arms were crushing my waist. He was lifting me off the ground, and I almost cried out in pain. My ribs were caving in, from my heart exploding _and_ his painful embrace. His teeth sunk easily into my skin and permeated through my jugular vein. I screamed at that.

The skin he punctured suddenly started burning underneath, but his lips made the surface cool, giving me a tantalizing, Goose bump sensation. I was so scared, so in pain, and so thoroughly **excited. **The venom burned my arteries and his rabid breathing was in my ear as he made constant flicks of his tongue, sopping my blood up. I could only see shadows of Edward and Emmett, fighting to pull him away. Then my world faded to either the end of my life, or the beginning of my new existence.

* * *

Bear with me.


	2. consequence

Wow. I did not expect such a positive response to my first chapter. I greatly appreciate it.

Oh and WinterQueen, thanks for the heads up. The misspelling was actually intentional. You see, I'm an Incubus fan, and they released a song called "ana molly", so it's pretty much wordplay. I'll add the extra 'l' sometime in the near future. Feel free to correct me.

I want everyone to know that I am not the greatest of writers and I will mess up.

I don't have editors and insane creativity, like Stephanie Meyers.

So please, bear with me.

I'm only having fun.

* * *

Torment- it was all I could feel. My organs, my blood, my _**bones**_, all felt as if they were nothing but white-hot flames, licking my nerves so they would scorch in **agony**. It was the kind of pain that would drive a man insane. I was already nuts, though. As far as mental torment goes, I had none. I didn't lie when I told you I could block pain out. Luckily, this wasn't like the heart-rippling pain I felt when Edward left me; That I could not deflect. This was only physical.

I guessed this is what the entrance to Hell feels like. Blind, deaf, and burning alive. Satan would be disappointed to know he wasn't the one responsible for my lack of sanity. He wasn't even hurting me much. Renee, Charlie, Jacob…I couldn't believe I let them down like this. How would the Cullens explain my death? How could I leave them all like this? I should have thought the whole thing through before letting Jasper drink the wine. At least he was happy.

Never mind, he was probably almost as miserable as Edward was. He let his senses get the better of him, _again, _and screwed it up **big time**. Alice was probably guilt tripping him, Edward and Emmett probably pummeled him, Rosalie probably spat snide remarks at him. Esme was probably the only one sympathizing with Jasper because Carlisle was too busy thinking of a cover story to tell everyone about the untimely death of Isabella Marie Swan.

It ached to think I was dead. My plan backfired.

Badly.

It would be so amazing if one of my gifted vampire friends could reverse time so this would all be in the nonexistent future. Leave it to me to destroy perfectly good things. To leave behind all of the ones that loved me. I couldn't decide whether I was selfish or not. Was it selfish to tell Edward I didn't love him? Yes. Was I selfish for wanting to help him lay his burdens down? Not exactly, no. Was it selfish to leave my friends and family behind by trying to become a vampire? Yes. Was it selfish to make Jasper bite me? I'm not sure it was selfish, but it was definitely stupid. I was a selfish, unselfish idiot. Like _that _made sense.

A warm hand wrapped around mine. Wait-warm? Last I checked, I was surrounded by vampires. Cold, hard vampires. There shouldn't be any warmth, well aside from the hellish flames in my body. I shouldn't even feel the hand. I was dead, wasn't I?

"Bella." I think I heard. "Bella, wake up. Can you open your eyes? Can you hear me?"

There was no voice on earth more melodic and velvety than this one. It could not be mistaken. It was Edward's voice.

I wasn't sure if I should have been happy or not. I guess it was nice to know I wasn't dead, and I could actually be aware of things _outside _of the burning inferno. But I still made an irreversible decision. I was a vampire.

The flames suddenly started to die down, leaving behind charcoal. I could literally feel my heart stop beating and my stomach stop churning. My body was shutting down for the rest of eternity. My brain was functioning still. Good. Maybe if my heart is dead, my mind will speak in it's place. Things get too messy when I leave it to my heart.

I lifted my eyelids to see the blank ceiling of Edward's bedroom. I could see every tiny imperfection in its flat surface. My vision had never been so clear. I could hear Edwards shallow breath beside me, along with the soft walking up the stairs. I breathed in his scent, which seemed so much more potent than before. It was wonderful. My senses finally matched his. His hand massaged mine. We were the same temperature. The same **everything**.

After rolling my head on the pillow, I look at his mesmerizing face. Even with my vision, I could not find a single flaw in his features. His strong jaw line, straight nose, prominent cheekbones, golden brown eyes, flawless white skin, and tousled auburn locks….something was missing. The elusive quality that gravitated me toward him was not pulling me anymore. His eyes were burning with compelling emotion, but they did not make me melt…like they normally would have. I was still solid.

What was wrong with me?

"You're awake." Edward whispered, kissing my hand. His lips were soft.

"Edward, I'm so sorry, I-" My voice was not mine. It was too clear, it resonated too delicately to belong to me. The words weren't clumsy. They flowed out gracefully. _That would take some getting used to. _

" I don't expect you to explain why you decided to…" He searched for the right way to put it. "…disobey me, just now. Once we manage to completely assimilate you to our the vampiric lifestyle, there will be questions answered." There was a coldness in his tone. It was unnerving. "You will be restrained to this bed until you can resist any urges to attack."

"Kinky." I dryly replied, trying not to flinch at the sound of my voice. He raised an eyebrow at the joke. My attempt to lighten the weightiness of the atmosphere failed. I sighed.

"My desire to talk to you is weaker than the man waiting in the hall." I felt my brows knit together. Edward was so obviously disgusted by me, no wonder why his desire was weaker. Before I could ask who, Jasper replaced Edward's place beside me, looking wary and calculative as ever.

"Hello, Bella."


	3. bloodthirsty confusion

Dear Alice Cullen, do not fear. I am trying to stay as cannon as possible.

Soul mates are soul mates, no matter how deranged the writer may be.

* * *

His appearance startled me. As a human, Jaspers scars were just faint, glistening crescent moons on his pearl skin. Now, with my enhanced vision, I could truly see a victim of a vampirism. All along his neck and jaw (which looked pointier and more oval-like than Edwards) was purplish, deep scar tissue. The destroyed flesh made me wince. I had only dealt with one vampire bite; He had experienced thousands, it seemed. It was hard to look at him. It was so disturbing. I wished I had my human eyes. His scars were more romantic that way.

He gave me a slightly crooked smile. Since when was Jasper capable of giving me the mind-numbing smile Edward so often flashed me? The smile didn't have the same effect, however. I was too busy staring at the violet skin, which seemed to stare back.

I looked away, knowing I was probably making him feel uncomfortable beneath my scrutiny. "I'm sorry."

His chuckle flowed out of his mouth like nectar. I had never given his voice enough attention to be able to fully appreciate its richness. His voice probably sounded beautifully with Alice's wind chime sound.

Alice.

Right.

My nymph-like sister of a friend. How could I possibly disregard her feelings? Dumb heart. She and Jasper were _inseparable_. It was unimaginable to picture them ever apart. They were too complete. They still were mystified with each other, even after centuries. And then I came and seduced her other half. _Smooth move, Bella._

"I should be the one apologizing. I just altered your existence for eternity." _Oh no. Another Blame-__bearing vampire. _

"Jasper, don't think that. I wanted this to happen."

"…but you said that you didn't love Edward. I am confused."

"I had decided that, even though I don't love him like I used to, I would help him as a vampire. As a Cullen."

Jasper analyzed this quietly. "I don't understand your logic or your reasoning, but at least I can ease my mind, knowing this is what you wanted. What I really wish to know is…why me?" At the last words, he looked at me pleadingly. He looked like a man who was framed as a murderer. I guess he sort of was my murder weapon, but I was responsible for it. _I _killed Bella.

I sighed out, unintentionally breathing in his delicious fragrance. I missed that bitter smell. I almost wanted to grab his lynx-like body and press it to me, so I could let the scent immerse me. I snapped out of that thought. _What was wrong with me? _I wasn't sure if my heart was responsible anymore. I think it was my libido. But that didn't make any _**sense**_. Jasper should not have stimulated such…primal feelings. He was a handsome man (aside from the scars), but Edward was still fairer. Edward was more proportional, more ideal, more passionate. It wasn't even Jasper's mind that attracted me. I didn't know, and never did really care, what was in it.

"Bella?" He said, looking at me in a concerned way. It sent shivers down my spine, hearing him say my name.

"Jasper…please just leave." I managed to utter as I fought my urges to ravish him_. Ravish? Jasper? _I was warped in the head. I watched his thin lips, remembering how they felt on my skin. I shuddered involuntarily.

Why Jasper?

In a half of a second, all of the Cullens were in the bedroom, looking down at my shaking form. Alice watched me worriedly. I didn't deserve her concern. Edward was the only one brave enough to sit beside me. He took my hand and his eyes had a million questions, anxiously waiting to be answered.

"Newborn Vampires are very uncontrolled. Any desires you may feel are natural responses." said Carlisle, studying my every movement. "but don't stop fighting them. You are too dangerous right now. Fight it."

"I know it's hard Bella, but I have faith in you." Alice chirped. Her words softened me a little, but I was still desperately fighting myself. Fighting to keep myself away from Jasper. From my _prey. _

Did I seriously become a succubi?

"Alice, take him away. Please!"; I wanted to say, but the words didn't come out. Instead, a guttural growl escaped my lips as I stared the short-haired beauty down. I could see, no, _**smell **_the fear that was emanated off of her. I couldn't bear to see her like that; My lovely, gossamer friend, who could outdo even Audrey Hepburn in urbane charm. At the same time, her fear **electrified** me. I wanted to kill. I wanted to feast. I wanted to tyrannize.

**I became the hunter. **

Jasper was trying to calm the situation, I could sense it. He could not dilute my framework. My need to slaughter was too powerful. Too natural. Too **raw**. I stared at Edward, wishing that he could somehow break through my thick head and see what I was _screaming_ inside. I wanted him to know I was trying. I wanted him to get Jasper and Alice away from me. The blonde, scar-ridden vampire took the hand of his beloved.

"_What is going to happen_!?" Rosalie hissed.

"I don't know. Something has been blocking my vision. I didn't even see the change happen last week." Alice retorted slowly.

Last week? I had been burning alive for only a _week? _It was the only coherent thought I had_._ All of my thoughts crashed into each other, confusing my state even more_._ Making me angrier. My throat was on fire. Was hunger making me loose it? Was that all of this sexual tension? Blood? I did not know. All I knew was that I wanted Jasper_. More than anything._

"Jasper, She is fixated on you, it seems. Her attention flickers on Alice. You two get away from here. Emmett, get her something to feast on. Esme and Rosalie, go with Jasper and Alice." Carlisle said, after fully assessing my state and the situation. They all did as ordered, leaving only Edward, Mr. Cullen, and a ravenous vampire. My frenzy seemed to soothe itself after Jasper left, but I was still thirsty. And I still wanted to break something. It was safe to take a breath, and Edward's smell was immediately calming. It was like aromatherapy.

Carlisle reached to my throat, and another unintentional growl fled from my clenched teeth. "Bella, I just want to check a few things." He said carefully. "I know it's hard, but I want to check."

Finally, I was articulate enough to say the feeble, strained words; "Let Edward. I don't want to hurt you. I won't hurt him."

* * *

I am so...pleased.

Thanks to everyone who has read my fanfiction.

I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Thirsty Bella. Angsty stuff.


	4. enamored extraction

I really cannot fathom how I managed to get so many supportive readers.

But I'm liking it.

* * *

Carlisle told Edward to check the glands that secrete venom In my **throat**. Gross. I did not doubt Edward's cleanliness, but I didn't want anyone shoving _anything_ down my throat. Especially fingers. Carlisle noticed my revulsion at the idea, but explained that if they were hard, they were swelling with too much venom, therefore amplifying the frenzies. He was hoping that Edward could squeeze the excess venom out, making my immortal transition a little bit easier.

"Your self-control is absolutely remarkable, Bella. I'm very impressed." He said, still keeping a safe distance from me. Was I really that _dangerous_? "But there are complications with your change…and I want you to help me figure them out when you are completely in control. This will speed up the process."

Edward stared into my eyes, seeing if I was ready. I don't think _anyone_ could really prepare themselves for this. I didn't know how it would feel to have venom squeezed out of my throat. It sounded painful, like squeezing some kind of overgrown zit, that didn't release puss, but poison. Liquid death.

Gross.

Really, really, really, _really_ gross.

I nodded to Edward, letting him know I was ready. Well, as ready as I could possibly be. He pressed two of his long, warm, delicate fingers on my lips, prying them open with the least bit of force possible. It was like he still saw me as a pathetic, fragile human. Maybe he was just used to treating my that way. The touch made him tremble a bit. He was still getting used to my flesh matching his.

He eased the fingers into my mouth. He should not have tasted this devilishly **divine**. I didn't want to eat him, but maybe nimble. Only a little bit. It was like having a scrumptious ambrosia on my tongue, spilled from Aphrodite's cup of god wine. I began to imagine how his tongue would taste. I tried to push the thought away. Could I seriously be pining after him _and_ Jasper, after I just denied Edward my affection? Only Edward could cloud my head by massaging my newly acquired death glands. I supposed my body could never _truly_ forget him. The way his made mine feel.

"They are positively gorged" Edward announced in his melodic voice. He stiffened. "When I squeeze it out, it will run down her throat, irritating the flesh and causing more thirst."

Carlisle considered this. "We could collect it by a tube."

"I doubt _any_ young vampire would allow a tube to enter their mouth, even one as self-controlled as Bella. Her instincts will instantly register the act as danger. She does not see my fingers as threatening because they are made of another vampire. Not a piece of plastic. I don't want you to be preoccupied on retrieving the tube, either. We need to keep her under our attention." Edward replied convincingly. He obviously didn't trust me. Not that I could blame him.

The older vampire paced, rubbing his chin in contemplation. "I could spit it out?" I said in my weird, new voice.

"I don't want to test your self-control." Edward said flatly, running his free hand through his crown of bronze hair. His full, thick bronze hair was still fascinating to me. _Maybe my hair will never get messy, too. Only flawlessly toussled._

"I think it's worth a try." the blonde said. He obviously was interested in the limitations of my self-control. Like an experiment.

"I will not allow it. I'm sorry, father. I don't want to risk_ anything_ with her." Before I could even protest, Edward was pressing my lower back, so I would sit straight and face him. With little space between us. _Was I __**half **__as beautiful as he was?_ He gave both glands a painful pinch, almost making me bite him. _Almost_. He withdrew his fingers gracefully and, without even looking at my eyes, crushed his lips onto mine and shoved his tongue into my pain-stricken, open mouth. My soul crumbled in agony. He was lapping _my _venom to save me from the burning thirst. To save me from **myself**.

I watched his face cringe in pain as he rubbed my glands with his tongue, making sure he got every droplet. I wanted to push him away. It hurt so _badly _to see him that way. I was a **newborn**; My poison was probably a _hundred_ times more potent than his. I could picture just how painful it was, scalding **holes** into his throat. He did not falter from it; he lapped it up more efficiently than Jasper lapped up my _blood._ How could I possibly be forgiven, allowing him to torture himself? I turned myself to _help_ him, not make his existence any harder.

The glands weren't throbbing anymore. I didn't realize they were at any point in time; the venom burned too much for me to acknowledge them. I couldn't feel them releasing the lethal fluid. Edward's work was done. I knew it was selfish, but my morbid curiosity took over. I wanted to feel, and _really __**taste**_ his tongue. I slowly lifted mine and caressed his. It was **far **tastier than I had imagined. Light-years better. ignoring the slightly stinging remainders of my venom, I felt Edward's body tense up tighter. A throaty exhale from his chest vibrated my _entire_ being. I couldn't tell if it was a sigh of pain, sorrow, or…enjoyment.

He terminated the moment and practically flew to Carlisle's side. His black eyes were livid, but somehow…pleading. His whole body was fuming as he gasped to regain a tolerable state. It was easy to see that he was trying not to breath through his nose, but his nostrils were flaring with fury. He was **mad**.

Carlisle approached his son. "That was a brave thing you did. The redness in her eyes is diluted already. Edwar-"

Before he could finish, Edward shot his hand up, stopping Carlisle's encroachment. "Stay away. I need to go as soon as Emmett gets back. I can't afford to leave you alone." He said through gritted teeth, still glaring at me. Why couldn't he see he didn't have to _protect_ Carlisle from me? He rendered me utterly defenseless. My kill-drive was drained for the time being. I was level-headed. He was going insane with hunger and anger, yet was _still_ martyring himself.

Edward was my saint.

And I was just his succubi.

His cruel, manipulative succubi. Who couldn't even accumulate her love for him_._

* * *

**twinz4lifexxJasperxx**, _WinterQueen_, **KaraSays**, _Anna Whyte_,** ForbiddenFruit420**,_ XxxThe Devil's Little AngelxxX_, **Chloe McMurray**, _Alicecullen_, **Mizzkat**, _Exic_,** herestolife222**, _WonderfullyMade5_, **missmaj**, _Kiwikiss1_

Thank you.


	5. fickle feeble heart

This chapter had a few complications at birth. I have so many ideas, waiting to clutter themselves into this little fanfiction. I tried not to jump for the sake of making it a bit more flowy. I hope I didnt fail too badly.

* * *

Just as he said, Edward fled the minute Emmett returned. I could smell the murdered animal already, and he wasn't anywhere _near _me yet. I was fully aware of the glands releasing a small burst of fluid down my dry throat. I was still hungry.

"bon Appetite" My grizzly brother chuckled as he plopped the dead mountain lion into my lap. It should have crushed me, but it felt light. I made a mental to thank Jasper for giving me vampire thunder thighs. It would amuse him. Or at least make him smile at me.

I looked down at my meal. it's mouth hung open. It's tongue rolled out. The terrifying creature looked pitiful, with it's glassy, dead eyes and a permanently turned head. Good. Emmett snapped it's neck. A quick, pain free death. How exactly was I supposed to eat a mountain lion again?

"Just follow your instincts. It's natural." Emmett reassured me.

I crinkled my nose, trying to convince myself it didn't smell appetizing. "No thanks."

I didn't trust my instincts. If Emmett chanted that _earlier_, Jasper would be…

That's a thought I did **not **need to develop. The _last _thing I needed to do was fantasize about the mysterious, calculative Hale with the honey hair and smooth voice and lean body and the coffee smell…

"If it's so nasty, why are you drooling, goofball?" Emmett said, grinning wildly.

Embarrassment seized me ferociously and I touched the corner of my lip. It was soaked. If there was any running blood in me, my cheeks would have been on **fire**. Was I really _that _enthralled by Jasper?

The curly haired giant turned to Carlisle. "So how did you calm her down?"

"Edward drank her venom."

"…are you serious? Poor guy…I guess he's still into you, Bella."

I was slightly offended by that comment. Edward was never _just _into me. He was consumed by an irreversible, gravitating devotion that bounded him **mercilessly **to my soul. He felt as I…_used_ to feel. To hear that passionate connection being referred to as a simple matter of being "into" each other was plain disrespectful. Emmett surely knew how we felt. He had Rosalie. I fumed down. Emmett didn't mean to. He wasn't the type to sing poems about the glory that is love.

"I guess he is. I owe him so much."

Emmett approached me, feeling safer than before. "Edward's always going to be good to you. Why don't you love him anymore?"

Suddenly, ferocity crept into my body and my mouth swelled with venom. I wanted to hurt Emmett. I fought the violent spell away as much as I could. It was as if I was being **forced** to want to hurt him. Was this really what being a newborn was like? I was perfectly fine until he mentioned my lack of love for Edward. It was like a defense mechanism that _I _wasn't triggering. My instincts…or _something else_ was doing it. I let my unexpected feelings out on the lion. I broke through the tough skin effortlessly, injecting the animal with my venom. Blood used to smell so bad…but now, it even tasted good. It was a tangy, citrus-like enjoyment. I pulled away, well-fed and surprised. That wasn't so bad.

"Sexy." Emmett said playfully, wiping a dribble of red pleasure from the corner of my mouth with his thumb. "You definitely make one smoky little vampire, Bells. Rosalie might even get defensive."

I laughed heartedly. Me? smoky? Under any circumstances, even in immortal beauty, I was **not** smoky. "It's impossible for any vampire to be hot when in a ten mile radius of Rosalie. She has no reason to be jealous."

"I'd show you just how awesome you look, but I think Alice would want to." He replied. Alice must have been so hurt by me. I tried not to think about that.

Edward came back. He didn't look mad or thirsty anymore. His eyes returned to their golden-brown Cullen color, and his nostrils were no longer flared. He briefly nodded towards Emmett, who flashed him a sympathizing look. _Way to make me feel guilty. _

He stared at me, just as intensely as he did before he left. It reminded me of the heated gazes he gave me when I first sat beside him in Biology. They made me uncomfortable, insecure, and completely _engrossed_. Things were different now. He was no longer a mystery to me. I knew him from the inside out. I wondered if _I _was still just as mysterious to him as I was the day we met. That wouldn't make much sense. He knew all of my interests, dislikes, habits, facial expressions…

Carlisle cleared his throat, breaking my concentration on Edward. "Emmett, come with me. It is safe for the others to return."

Edward appeared to want me to explain our little tongue wrestling match, But how could I explain what I didn't understand _myself_?

We were alone. He sauntered to the bed gracefully. It wasn't his usual quick, panther-like grace. He was walking slowly, each step slightly faltering with self-doubt. He finally made it, and climbed into the bare mattress with me. He slipped an arm underneath my neck and let the other rest where my heart used to beat. He was missing the fluttering, no doubt.

I didn't.

"Bella," he purred into my ear. "That was a mean little trick you pulled earlier. If you wanted to, you should have tried asking me." It was like he was pretending I never said I didn't love him. I wasn't about to burst his bubble. Though having him close to me like this tugged on all of my guilty heartstrings, I could still feel the _ghost_ of my love for him, hiding in the depths of my soul.

" Edward. How could you ever love me?"

His brow furrowed. "Why do you ask?"

My throat closed up, trying to prevent the words from escaping. "I broke your heart, I lusted after Jasper, I let you hurt yourself, I-"

He pressed his finger against my lips. "I don't mind going through anything for you, whether you like it or not. I'll hurt myself for you as much as I want to. It is my choice. I will survive if you get bored with me and lose interest, or act like your usual, passionate, human self and forget all about your feelings for me. I'll never forget my feelings for **you**, and I owe you my eternity for giving my black sky a star to admire, even if I can't have it for long."

My heart swelled with so many rushing emotions. A smile cracked my face into absolute bliss. "please, just…let me hold you. It's all I ask." He whispered into my hair, cradling me in his embrace.

"So…I guess I'm really human at heart." I muttered into his chest. "fickle to a fault."

"_That's what I'm counting on."_

* * *

I am way too mean to Edward.

I am looking forward to your response, reader.


	6. reweaving

That night was unimaginably _**perfect**_**. **Well, almost**. **It started to intensify when Edward lowered his ear to my chest, imitating it's nonexistent beat with his fingers, thrumming on my collarbone delicately. _Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. _A steady rhythm. Steady and sure.

"You are so lovely…" he breathed out as ran one of his satin-smooth hands down the slope of my shoulder, into the dip of my waist, and onto the expansion of my hips. He continued his exploration by sliding down my thigh and cascading his fingers through my hair.

"Your in love with a plain Jane, Edward" I whispered.

He rolled his eyes. "You can be so foolish, Bella."

I ignored that and traced my hand down his bare chest, in awe at the flat, hard planes of muscle. He involuntarily **shivered **at my touch. _I could still do that to him? _A mischievous grin parted my lips and I laid my leg across his hips. He was **shaking**, now.

"Bella-" He protested, squeezing his eyes shut.

I silenced him with my lips, which met his with a fervent need. It felt like all of the feelings I had for him were a **raging** river, blocked by some strange dam of lust and confusion. I wanted him to **crush**it. I wanted him to make me feel as I _used _to feel. He let out a sigh of exasperation. It was absolutely **stimulating **to have Edward squirm futilely beneath me, knowing he would cave in and envelope me with his eternal _rapture_.

He **greedily **grabbed at my hips and slung me over him. He cupped by face, absolutely **spellbound**…as if he finally caught his star in the black abyss. He pressed his full lips onto mine, waltzing them in a dizzyingly _euphoric _enchantment. I missed him _so much_. I didn't even realize how empty I was without him. What could have ever made me refuse this **contentmen**t?

I ran a hand through his mane of golden-red hair as he gently pressed himself against my body. Now, I was looking up at _him_. I didn't care. As long as it was Edward. As long as there were these feelings. As long as it was us, **nothing **could possibly matter.

He went to take another kiss, but halted. He stared down at me, his eyes solidified with focus. "What's the problem?" I asked, getting insecure. _What was he thinking about? Was he having doubts?_

"Bella," He said in an almost inaudible decimal. "you have to tell me what you are thinking about. Be honest with me."

Now, I was just **confused**. "I'm thinking about _why_ you're asking me this. I was thinking about _you_. Why?"

He put a hand over my mouth, looking around cautiously_. "If that voice I hear doesn't belong to your mind, there is someone who is thinking…strange thoughts."_

"_Tell me what it's saying." _I whispered urgently.

"_Their thoughts aren't fully formed in words, Bella."_

"_Translate it then, I need to know."_

"_newborn… The shield newborn…attachment to yellow eyes_?" He said, squeezing his eyes in concentration. He didn't understand that thought. But I did. The Volturi said I was impenetrable, and a shield would be a pretty good metaphor. Yellow eyes must have been a reference for the Cullens.

"_The blood drinker makes Mary happy. We can change it. We can rip Mary's __**heart **__out_."

My eyes widened with fear. "_make newborn's attachment stronger to him. Replace Mary with newborn. Eliminate. Attachments. She wont leave me again. She wont leave me_!"

The blood drinker must have been Jasper. He was the only one who drank potent blood recently. But Mary took me a minute.

Then I remembered Mary Alice Brandon. The asylum prisoner who became the pixie vampire. **Alice. **

"They want Alice…" I muttered, my voice trembling with anger. "And they want Jasper to forget all about her by using me. The shield newborn."

Edward jumped out of the bed, pacing around frantically. He picked that habit up from Carlisle. " This person knew Alice as a human, so chances are, they also are of the supernatural world. I'm guessing this being has something to do with Alice's impaired premonitions. They don't want her to see anything. Your lust for Jasper could also have been caused by them, to help their cause of making Jasper forget Alice."

"Edward. This person doesn't want me to love you anymore. That's why I couldn't feel these…these _feelings _before."

He stared at me in disbelief, stopping his logical pursuit. "Are you saying…that…you feel…"

"Edward, I love you! I even loved you when this person made me say no! When I wanted Jasper, I still felt my _love _for you, underneath it all. I want to spend forever with _**you**_! No one else!" I cried out, clutching my chest tightly, trying to keep myself from sobbing. " **Forgive me!**"

The next thing I knew, He was enfolding me with his beautiful form. "Oh, Bella." He sighed out, as if he had just seen euphoria. "You've done nothing to apologize for. But I just cant believe it. It's too wonderful. Say it again for me, let me know I am not imagining this."

So I let him knew. We rolled around, kissing wildly. I held is neck tightly, pressing myself against him. Reminding myself he was real. This amazing, stunning, gentle-hearted, **saint **of mine. It didn't even feel _**physical**_; our spirits were intertwining themselves with each other once again, winding into the eternal weaves of our **bond**. We made a full circle **together**. We were only _halves_ that made an anima. In the nanoseconds our lips weren't connected, I repeated the words he so desperately had been wanting to hear; _**"I love you".**_

And then _they_ came.

Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper just _had_ to walk into the house right **then**. Edward pulled away from me, giving me that stupefy-inducing half-smirk that so often made my heart beat out of my chest. "Now I wont have to fight the impulse to battle my brother for your affection, knowing this star is **mine**. Gawk away."

And I did.

* * *

Psh.

Like I could ever _really_ detach Bella from Edward?

That's like making Robert Pattinson **not **sexy.

Impossible, and evil.


	7. babysitting duty

As I expected, my eyes couldn't stay away from Jasper when they entered the room. What I didn't expect was to have his eyes burning towards **me** the whole time. It's true, that the force drawing us together _was_ powerful, but he and Alice had been together for **centuries**. Their bond should have been unshakable. I had a few excuses for why I was so deliriously obsessed with his presence. I was a rabid newborn. I lost my mind when Edward broke up with me. And he was beautiful. Why was it so easy for this person to make Jasper look _my_ way?

"So there is someone after me?" Alice squeaked, waking me from a daze.

"It appears they knew you in your previous life. They mentioned 'attachments' a lot, so I assume they have some control over the relationships between people."

"Like Chelsea..in the Volturi," Carlisle said. "She can sever or create attachments between individuals."

"This person doesn't seem to completely severe. It appears Bella has been vaguely aware of her feelings for me, and this person wants to use her as the decoy for Jasper's affection." Edward said in a matter-of-fact tone, smugly looking at Jasper's now livid face. He was enjoying making him Jealous. For once.

It was weird having Jasper jealous because of me.

"I'm sorry I can't help much. I don't remember a thing, and this person has somehow managed to block my powers…" said Alice, who was smiling weakly at me. She knew I didn't mean all of this. "Have you seen yourself yet?"

I grinned broadly. "Nope. I've been waiting for you, my lady."

She hopped happily into Rosalie's room and brought out a huge mirror, which looked about the size of Emmett. It was comical how strong she was. My macho fairy friend. _Or rival. _

I saw my reflection, but I was pretty sure it wasn't me I was looking at. If that was me, I really _was _smoky.

My hair was, as usual, wavy, but it appeared darker against my skin and was luminous and smooth. My complexion was flawless, but my cheeks no longer harbored any rouge. My red eyes contrasted against my flesh with insane intensity. I was part porcelain doll, part supermodel, and part demon. Pretty different from part plain, part boring, and part quant.

"I told you." Emmett sang, earning a very suspicious glare from Rosalie.

"It's too bad you're so lovely when my mate wants you." Alice chimed jokingly. From the look in her eyes, I could tell that it wasn't just a joke. It was bothering her.

"Does Charlie know about my new…" I didn't know how to put it. "Look?"

"I told Charlie that you called in the middle of the night because you did not want to trouble him and you were experiencing severe stomach pains. He believes your receiving medical care under my house as a facility, since he knows you are a private person." he replied. It sounded plausible enough.

"If this person is after Alice, they must be tracking her somehow?" Esme said, drawing attention back to the issue at hand. "Maybe we should track her, too. We might run into them."

It bothered me that they she spoke so loud, but I couldn't smell anything different. Anything that would suggest a stranger was anywhere near us. Maybe this person knew how to hoodwink our senses, too.

I was getting paranoid.

"That is a good idea." Carlisle said to his lovely wife, giving her a warm smile. "But we can't abandon Bella in this state. Edward, you have been harnessing your tracking skills over the past six months. You should probably track Alice. Esme, you will track Alice with me."

"I'll come, too." Rosalie hastily spat out. She didn't want to get stuck babysitting **me.** She took Emmett's hand. She wasn't going to leave him alone with 'smoky' either**.**

Jasper stared at me greedily, breathing slightly harder.** "I will protect Bella, then."**

* * *

I know.

I'm terrible. =0


	8. requited with stone

The room emptied out and it was only us; Bella and I. The mere thought sent shivers down my spine. I tried to shun myself by imagining my little Alice's face; Her sharp, but somehow innocent eyes, her small lips, her elfish nose, and her ears that had a slight point to them. But every time I did, the image bled into Bella's heart shaped visage. Her hungry eyes **burned** through Alice's. Her wavy locks of raven hair extended from the spiky hair I was trying so hard to visualize. She was haunting me.

Bella was looking intently at the floor, grabbing her arms tightly, trying to keep her hands away from me. She wanted this, too. She was shaking in her feeble attempt. It was adorable, really.

"You don't have to try so hard, Bella. I wont bite you." I said, internally battling my urges. I didn't want her to know how badly I wanted to take her in my arms.

"I can't say the same. This is the safest way." She flickered her eyes involuntarily to me, biting her lip. _The lip I wanted to bite…_

I looked her over. She was still wearing the blue pajamas from last week, when I _changed_ her. Another shiver went down my spine. That night wasn't something I wanted to think about, but it forced it's way into my mind's frontline. _The way her quivering body gave into mine, her every curve melting into me. The little noises she made. The warmth draining out of her. The way I felt when she looked at me, pleading for it._ And that was all it took.

Without any notion to stop myself, I was ripping those pajamas _apart_ with my **teeth. **Bella made a small gasp at the suddenness, but did not push me away or yell in protest. I knew she wouldn't. I looked down at her, my eyes falling immediately to her body. It was…impossible. How could anyone resist the compelling nature of her slight, but prominent _hips_? The dip of her _waist_? The _elegance_ of her **neck**? I could still see the two little scars on it, her jugular vein resting beneath them. She would _**never**_ forget that night. She would carry it with her forever, whether she wanted to or not. And I knew she wanted to.

I ravaged her, expecting equal destruction. It did not come. I moved to her neck, breathing on the place that _belonged to_ **me. **She trembled, but did not respond the way I had hoped. I wanted to consider her feelings, but lust had transformed me. I moved down to her collarbone, feeling all the valley of loveliness, Bella Swan. Or better yet, Isabella **Cullen**.

She just let me do what I wanted to. She did not seem to feel any sort of heat. It was disturbing. Did she find me so disgusting, that she couldn't even _kiss_ me when under a blinding wave of longing? Confusion eventually killed my physical desire. I could not take her if she couldn't let me know she wanted to be taken. I picked my clothes up, and covered her anatomic perfection.

I finally brought myself to look at her again. Her eyes were squeezed shut, Her teeth clenched to the point where they looked as if they could **break**. Her fists were in tight balls, the tendons in her arms **protruding** from the stress. She managed to _defeat it_.

I felt utterly pathetic. I _still_ wanted her. "Jasper…It's not your fault. I'm used to fighting this sort of thing off." She somehow said through her teeth. "I know you cant help it. And I'm too strong. I could hurt you by trying to stop you. I can withstand it."

It was infuriating to not have her cave into me. I wanted Alice to give me that innocent smile when she tricked me. I wanted Bella to plead for my touch. I wanted Alice to sing for me. I wanted Bella. I wanted Alice. I wanted Bella. I was loosing my mind with desire.

"_I will not allow yout to just tolerate my caresses." I muttered, brushing her earlobe with my lips. "I will just have to destroy your stubbornness. One kiss at a time."_

* * *

_Jasper's got the __boom._

_I don't think anyone could refuse him._

_Unless you happen to be a sheild-minded vampire._


	9. Shards and Confusion

I am so so so sorry for not updating. I kind of got wrapped up in other things...but that is still no excuse. I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I just have fun with the sexy vampires.

Oh and btw, I got into college! Go me!

* * *

Shattered. That was the only word I could think of as I ran through the forest with Edward, Carlisle, and Esme. I was completely demolished. Why would anyone want to take Jasper away from me? Why was it so easy for him to forget me? Before I completed my thought, I halted at the sight of a cloaked figure. It was Jane.

Edward, Carlisle, and Esme caught up with my in a matter of nanoseconds. Was she the one behind this? It was so frustrating to not be able to see ahead. Living without my visions was like living without an arm-awkward and difficult.

"Hello Jane, what brings you to Forks?" Carlisle said in a neutral voice that belonged in a U.N. World Peace speech. Carlisle had an amazing ability to stay calm and neutral except for absolutely desperate or nearly violent situations. Even then, he tried to find a way out for everyone.

"I was just waltzing about. I needed a change of scenery." Jane said, her cherubic face aglow with devilish mischief. "I was actually wondering if you have changed your pet."

"You knew we changed her. Don't be coy." Edward said icily. Even without my visions, I knew the Volturi-specifically Jane-was up to something.

"she's not a pet, either" I chimed. Jane glared at us, ready to send us to mental torment. Carlisle carefully ushered all of us back to the house. I wasn't scared to face off Jane. Without Jasper's devotion, I didn't really have anything worthwhile in this realm of existence. Yes, my family mattered to me…but Jasper wasn't just family-he was my reason. I didn't let the situation get ugly for Carlisle's sake.

We entered the glass and Jane stood close to the door, waiting for evidence of the change. Jasper came down the stairs and Edward came up. They exchanged looks-Edward scowled and Jasper smirked-before going their ways. He maintained that smirk until his eyes met mine; it dissolved into a look of guilt and hopelessness. I whipped myself around to avoid looking at him. It hurt too much. Jane observed this behavior coolly.

"Jane, this is Jasper. He is the one who changed Bella." Carlisle said as Jasper came to my side and coiled his long arm around me. Jane averted her eyes to the staircase, leading to the newborn as she replied; " Interesting. I thought Edward was going to change her. It is an intimate moment when one changes another. Almost like a moment reserved for lovers".

Jane knew Jasper was mine and that her words would burn me. They didn't, oddly enough. Instead the anger fell onto the floor, along with all the other shards that used to be Alice Cullen-the shards that used to make Jasper's lover.

"I do not think I can guarantee your safety if you saw her." Carlisle said. "She could repel your powers as a human and is remarkably strong, even for a newborn. Maybe in a week or so you can."

Jane flared her nostrils-a sign of her swollen ego being slightly hurt. Good. She nodded in agreement and after a few more words exchanged Jane made her leave abrupt and hasty. Even Better.

"None of us have sensed any Volturi recently. How would they have known Bella changed?" Jasper asked. I slightly twitched at the sound of him saying her name.

"Whoever is responsible for blocking Alice's powers and those thoughts that Edward heard is apparently in league with the Volturi. They are functioning as more than

a spy. The real question is…what are they really after?"

* * *

I felt badly for neglecting Alice, so I did a little P.O.V. in her perspective. Unforunatley, I could only reveal a few things through her. I hope you aren't too dissapointed...


End file.
